What am I even doing here?
I'm Vikki, mum of three. I mainly write about how I balance raising my kids with working, maintaining a household and trying to carve out time for myself, hopefully with a humourous slant. Sometimes I also post short fiction that I've written.
For a while now, I’ve been asking myself this question — What am I doing here? Every time I get a notification for a new subscriber I think Thank you! obviously but also WHY??? What exactly are you expecting from me?
Consistency has never been my strong point. Currently languishing in my drafts folder, in no particular order, are:
The three things you need after welcoming a baby (according to me)
An ode to my cat (because he deserves it)
A character assassination of my husband (because he deserved it at the time)
An instruction guide and review of doing an at-home lash lift (because it only had video instructions)
Some of these I may post eventually, some I definitely won’t. A lot of the time I write because it’s cathartic, because I need an outlet that isn’t crying in front of the fridge or cutting my own hair.
I sometimes panic before I share though. Because I’ve always been one of those girls. Who cried too easily. Laughed too loud. Said the wrong thing at the wrong time. Just a bit too weird. I’ve always been somebody people didn’t really mind but they wouldn’t call me a friend. Always on the periphery. Then I joined Substack.
I love it here and I interact with some fantastic people but then I start overthinking. I don’t want to say or do the wrong thing. I’m so used to being told I’m too much I can practically feel you all rolling your eyes at me from the other side of the screen. I compare myself to everyone else because while often being too much I am also always never enough. Being in the company of such talented writers as
, , , and many others means the Imposter Syndrome has been hitting me hard lately.
Everyone else seems to have such a strong voice, a clear mission. They know what they’re about. I don’t have a clue. I have an idea of what I want, or rather, I have several! I’ve spent the summer trying to pin myself down; commit to one vision, but I can’t. I wish someone could tell me!
I joined Substack with the idea that I’d share stories of my experiences having babies in NICU. I’d still like to do this, but they probably don’t fit with my more flippant posts. Then there’s my fiction which hardly has a ‘mumsy’ flavour so far. Oh! And I’ve recently discovered I also enjoy writing poetry!
I thought by now I’d have a clear idea of what I want this space to be, but I don’t. Once again, I find myself with too many ideas to execute and no idea how to choose which to focus on. Do you have any ideas?
I would like to be A REAL WRITER. I’m just not really sure what that looks like for me. I’ve thought about writing more short stories, even (gulp) a novel but do I just post them here? I’ve been thinking about maybe creating a new Insta to share my poems (is that a horrible idea?) or some new sections on my Substack for the sake of organisation. I’ve even started sending out articles for publication AND I’ve already had my first rejection!
I’d welcome any advice or words of wisdom you have to share, although I’m not going to promise I’ll follow it. I think this probably is something I have to find my own way on.
If you’re new to me, here are some examples of my different pieces. As always, thank you if you’ve made it this far and for putting up with me wittering on! Maybe by this time next week you’ll be noticing a new and improved, streamlined, sleek and professional me. I wouldn’t hold your breath though.
Vikki, I think you are your own thing and you’re lovely. You don’t need to fit into any box to belong here. ❤️
I do hope you’ll keep showing up and just being your wonderful self! I’m over here lurking 👀
I understand the need to have a “niche” because it seems like that’s all we’re told, but I don’t think that’s true. I think you can be and post about all the versions of yourself and all of your interests! If it makes you happy, it’ll show throw in the writing. Just my 2 cents.